It has been along time since I opened this blog yet I have not posted anything. I kept saying that I should write something in my blog, not because I enjoy writing a lot but because I like to share the happiest and memorable moments of my life. Actually I have so many plans for this blog. I even thought of the articles that I could write but then, never did I once open the blog again since I registered a few months ago. I read from some random blog that if someone does not enjoy writing, he should put it down and do something that he likes better. I’d like to leave this blog behind but it keeps on coming into my mind and thoughts of what I should write keeps in occurring in my imagination.
So why do I not update my blog then if I keep on thinking about it? Here are some of the reasons that I can think about:
Laziness– I do not really categorize myself as lazy, it is that I have a ningas kugon characteristic that when I start doing something and loose the mood to do it, I just stop mid-way. Sometimes (all of the time actually), I get this nice ideas in my mind and plan a project, whether it is a photo walk, a drawing, or an essay but just keep it as a plan. These plans just linger in me making me feel like I have so many things to do. Despite the weariness, I still do not do most of these projects (I did some but stopped mid-way).
Insecurity– I believe that I am my own worst critic. This is the reason why I probably stop doing something even if I thought that it was a good idea. I just feel that there are so many great artists online so I seldom draw. I read so much good blogs too, so I feel insecure of writing. Likewise, I sometimes think that I am not good enough. My grammar is often bad and my art works are not as good as I want it to be. I have so many expectations from myself and this is what’s holding me from doing what I want. It is actually ironic how I say “want” but do not do anything serious to get what I “want”.
Exhaustion– I work as a writer (not professionally) for 9 hours a day, 5 days a week and believe me, it is very exhausting. My mind always feels tired every time I come home. So as much as possible I avoid using my brain too much when I am at home so I just watch movies and series to entertain myself.
Lack of time– As I said I always feel like I have so many things to do. Just thinking of the books that I want to read, the drama series that I have to finish, movies that I need to watch, albums that I need to listen to, places that I want to visit, foods that I want to try and lomographs that I want to take already makes me feel tired.
Despite these things, I really want to write and share my feeling to my friends. I have a Tumblr blog but I think it’s constituted with reblogged contents other than my original posts. The themes or topic is also so random and I myself get confused with what I want to share. So I opened this blog.
I remember the quote by Pablo Picasso in cover of my doodle book, “Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up”. Maybe some of the reasons why are stated above. Hopefully, with this first post, I get to clearly see what I want to do with my skills. I just want to draw, take pictures, write and share all of it to my friends.